Tuesday, July 31, 2007

KRONOS MYTHBUSTERS!!!

As a public service, KRONOS Art Gallery would like to go behind the scenes to tell you, our friends, the true and often shocking tales of success at any cost of some of our most popular artists of the day.

E. Badley Dross is a regional artist whose quaint renderings of Americana are beloved by millions, to the point where she even has her own museum which is located on her own road, "E. Badley Dross Drive". But the truth behind her fame and fortune is that ALL of her paintings are mass-produced by 7 and 8 year-olds in Indonesian sweatshops who work 12-hour days for 12 cents and then are sold as sex slaves.

Boris Tinkaid, the "painter of illumination", whose paintings of picturesque cottages and sentimental landscapes are treasured by the masses, and who franchises galleries throughout the land devoted solely to his work, uses radioactive paint! Yes, the effects of light he achieves are the result of using Strontium-90 and Uranium-235 based paints, and long-term exposure to his canvases will result in radiation sickness and death similar to the effects suffered by the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

And then there's KRONOS favorite, New York City artist Zeff Moons. His whimsical creations sell for millions of dollars and are coveted by collectors and museums worldwide. Yet all of his artwork is tested on animals. Yes, it's true. Kittens, puppies, and bunny rabbits strapped to chairs in laboratories are forced to look at his art without relief, and in fact prolonged exposure to Zeff Moons' work has been proven to cause cancer and madness in laboratory animals.

So there you have it. The real price of success!

At KRONOS however, none of our artwork is EVER tested on animals. And it is all made by the actual artists themselves using non-toxic ovo-lacto-vegetarian-macrobiotic paint on certified organic canvas woven by Tibetan Buddhist monks on recycled wooden frames. So buy your art at KRONOS, "the gallery you can trust!"