Please, for God's sake, kill yourself! You've fooled a lot of people over the years since you decided there was money to be made in art. And I suppose to give the devil his due your one true creation was that one need not be an artist at all to succeed fabulously in the NYC art world. But without a scintilla of artistry, artistic vision, or artist's soul the question keeps shouting itself out loud, "How the fuck did you do it?" They say a fool and his money are often parted (which I believe is your artist's statement), but that other saying that "you can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time" hasn't caught up with you yet. Apparently, at pulling wool over eyes you are up there with the best of them, as evinced by the recent story about you in the new yorker (which from hereon will be written in the lower case in protest). Yes, you are a huckster of epic proportions! A true mountebank. A snake oil salesman par excellence. The mystery that remains is why you were allowed to happen in the first place, and why for God's sake and the sake of art you are allowed to continue. Surely there must be at least one America-despising terrorist group out there who instead of killing innocents en masse can focus on you, Jeff Koons, as symbolic of all that is wrong with America and launch a jihad against you (and hopefully blow up your "artwork" in the process). You say you are personally "bringing art into the 21st century". How very modest of you. The world is indeed made for those without a shred of self-awareness or self-examination; they can say anything and believe it to be true. Please, kill yourself! Kill yourself! But perhaps there is a reason for your unfathomable success. When was it when you made the pact with Satan? Was it one long afternoon of ticket-taking at the MOMA when you wished upon a dark star, and suddenly your vision of giant cuddly kittens (that you didn't even make yourself but hired out to others) became reality. And then there was the giant hedge in the shape of a puppy, and of course Michael Jackson and his monkey. Yes, you give kitsch a bad name and whenever the word "artist" is used alongside yours the English language is further demeaned. "The artist Jeff Koons". Pardon me while I vomit... There, that's better. I know you are a relatively young man but I urge you to take up smoking (200 packs a day should do it). In fact, I'll buy you the first pack. And if you ever decide to visit Virginia please come to KRONOS, but give me a day or two's notice, as I will round up a camerman and videotape myself beating the shit out of you. Being beaten like a yard dog on YOUTUBE may be the only artistic thing you'll ever do.
Owner KRONOS Art Gallery
(this article appears in SAMIZDAT July/August 2007)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Over the past two and a half years, in addition to being a kick-ass art gallery, KRONOS has become famous for its fabulous live music events, and it's now one of the coolest venues around! The setting is intimate, the acoustics amazing, the crowd on its feet swaying, dancing, moshing to the music inches away from the performers (and when the house is packed this makes for a pure, righteous, underground, loud and sweaty rock experience!).
We're always looking for new bands to play @ KRONOS, so if you have one shoot us an email with your myspace and we'll see what we can do! We like HARD HEAVY ROCK, PUNK, HEAVY METAL, PSYCHEDELIA, PROGRESSIVE/ALTERNATIVE, INDUSTRIAL-TECHNO, EXPERIMENTAL, PUNK-METAL-JAZZ, CRAZY LOUD SHIT... We feature bands with original music only (although a cover now and then is okay, as long as it's cool!).
Here are some of the bands and solo artists we've already had at KRONOS...
BORN EMPTY (Nashville, TN) alternative rock
MOTHER/FATHER (Nashville, TN) post-punk new wave
LOOK WHAT I DID (Memphis, TN) hard experimental rock
GIFTS FROM ENOLA (Harrisonburg, VA) progressive psychedelic rock
PABLO & THE DREGS (Staunton, VA) alternative rock
SECRET NINJA DEATH SQUAD (Staunton, VA) alternative rock
ALUCARD (Detroit, MI) rock/punk/progressive
THE SWELLERS (Detroit, MI) punk
POST-APOCALYPTIC BLUES BAND (Harrisonburg, VA) rock
EMBERS FROM THE ALTAR (Waynesboro, VA) heavy metal
BEYOND THE THRONE (Waynesboro, VA) heavy metal
MIRROR CAGE (Harrisonburg, VA) heavy metal
JONESTOWN MASSACRE (Stuarts Draft, VA) heavy metal
EPIC FAIL (Staunton, VA) punk
LEEDLE (Staunton, VA) punk
FREAKSCENE (Waynesboro, VA) punk
NEW URBAN SPRAWL (Illinois) punk
VA FEAR (Waynesboro, VA) punk
KATAMARI DEATHROLL (Waynesboro, VA) experimental punk
THE GREAT EASTERN (Charlottesville, VA) progressive instrumental rock
FOUR FINGERS (Hopatcong, NJ) real punk
LOST AT SEA (Harrisonburg, VA) heavy metal
EARTHLING (Harrisonburg, VA) heavy metal
THE SMELL OF DEATH (Staunton, VA) heavy metal
THE GWENS (Staunton, VA) punk
AUGUST (Winchester, VA) alternative rock
THE RECEPTION (Winchester, VA) alternative acoustic rock
TEDDY BEAR CHRISTMAS (Staunton, VA) progressive rock
COMPARATIVE ANATOMY (Charlottesville, VA) grindcore/death metal/experimental
ONE EYED SUICIDE (Charlottesville, VA) metal/thrash/experimental
WITHIN OUR GATES (Harrisonburg, VA) thrash/metal/progressive
I AM THE MESSENGER (Staunton, VA) metal/progressive/alternative
STEAL THE PRIZE (Lynchburg, VA) progressive hard rock
THE SOUTH FRENCH BROADS (Asheville, NC) alternative
LEA (Washington, D.C.) solo acoustic folk
JOIA WOOD (Charlottesville, VA) solo acoustic folk
BRYAN ELIJAH SMITH (Dayton, VA) solo acoustic alternative folk
UNCLE JEMIMA (Charlottesville, VA) alternative acoustic rock
TEN TRICK PONY (Staunton, VA) alternative acoustic rock
NATHAN STITELER BAND (Nashville, TN) alternative
LUKE LANGSJOEN (Charlottesville, VA) alternative folk
ID M THEFTABLE (Windham, ME) anti-music experimental noise and soundscapes
MR HENRY (Italy) alternative rock
JOE POLLOCK (Charlottesville, VA) finger-style guitar
WES SWING (Charlottesville, VA) alternative acoustic cello
MILD WINTER (Harrisonburg, VA) alternative folk
RED RIVER ROLLERCOASTER (Harrisonburg, VA) alternative original bluegrass
SPACE PROGRAM (Staunton, VA) psychedelic, progressive
TOWERING (Harrisonburg, VA) progressive, hard rock
THE PENDULUM FALLS (Staunton, VA) hardcore metal
DIRTY WHITE DEVILS (Waynesboro, VA) industrial-goth-metal
IRONS IN THE FIRE (Staunton, VA) alternative rock
THY OPEN WOUNDS (Waynesboro, VA) alternative rock
I AM THE KID (Farmville, VA) heavy metal
AIRSTRIKE (Waynesboro, VA) punk
FREAKY J & THE BEARS (Waynesboro, VA) punk
IT CAME FROM THE SKY (Charlottesville, VA) progressive hard rock
PARACHUTE MUSICAL (Nashville, TN) indie rock/crunk
I FORGET (Fort Ashby, West Virginia) punk
THE YELLOW MARKER (Staunton, VA) post-punk alternative
RAZORBLAID (Verona, VA) rock
KENZIE CASON (Staunton, VA) acoustic alternative
ADAM AUSTIN (Waynesboro, VA) acoustic alternative
DJ-KIMSEY (Harrisonburg, VA) jungle
DJ K-PAC (Reykjavik, ICELAND) heavy dark industrial techno
LED ZEPPELIN (London, England) hard rock
Here are some images from some of our shows...
...click below to view slideshow!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
FUCK the people who don't get the art (go fuck a cow in one of them landscapes you love so much!)
FUCK the rich people with no goddamn taste and who hold onto their pennies with vice-grips!
FUCK the status quo and all its complacent fuckheads who think we should just know our place and play nice. We don't play well with others, muthafucka!
FUCK the careerist artists who drool over the NYC gallery scene as if it's the summum-fuckin-bonum! Wake the fuck up, bitch, and get disabused!
FUCK the suck-up artist/assembly lines crankin' out the same lame-ass boring-fuckin' shit year after year because some rich morons think they're good investments! You make me sick you weak-ass cowards!
FUCK the artists who don't bring their work in on time who don't pick their work up on time who never come around to support the gallery who want their money INSTANTLY two seconds after a sale and who make this one big colossal fucking headache!