KRONOS Undercover...

KRONOS went undercover to Staunton's Adult Video Store to see what all the fuss was about and here is what we discovered. The door creaked ominously as we stepped inside onto a dirt floor with what looked like bones scattered here and there--although it's hard to see in the dim light, the place lit by a single burning torch. The walls from what we could make out were old stone with rusted chains hanging from them like one would find in a dungeon. And in fact, screaming was heard at times coming from the back room, leading us to believe that human sacrifices might be taking place. There were countless monoliths positioned around the dirt floor like a kind of Stonehenge; giant phalluses hewn from rock, some 5 or 6 feet high, with pentagrams carved into them. In the background, what sounded like medieval chanting (along with the screaming). In one corner, a group of five or six half-naked lesbians were gathered in a circle around a goat, all holding what looked like daggers (except for the goat). The smell in the air was thick, acrid, impenetrable--of burning incense, blood, decaying flesh, napalm, and what smelled like a Subway meatball sandwich. On the counter were dusty leather-bound books. Upon closer inspection we saw the Kabbala, the Koran, the Communist Manifesto, the Utne Reader (and most surprisingly an "Art Is Dangerous" bumper sticker!). The man behind the counter was a hunchback, his body covered with leprous sores, his voice a primal, almost unintelligible grunt. It was at this point that we wondered if we'd indeed make it out of there alive, and at that moment a deafening sound crushed our ears, what could only be described as Marilyn Manson meets a bulldozer, and we fled for our lives!

So there you have it, our unbiased account of our time spent in what might be the unholiest place on earth...